


Human-It Makes You Human

by Bos05



Series: Fire and Ice [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Behind the Scenes, Emotional, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-05 11:46:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18365357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bos05/pseuds/Bos05
Summary: After the pike line-up, Yumiko had a hard time coping with what had happened and what very well could have been. And, while she was reunited with Magna back at Hilltop, Yumiko required some coaxing to talk about what she was feeling—about what fears were plaguing both her dreams and her waking. This is a conversation that Yumiko and Magna had after she had woken up from a nightmare—after Magna followed her outside.





	Human-It Makes You Human

"I can feel you staring," Yumiko voiced aloud, not caring to turn her head around to look back at her approaching visitor; she recognized those set of footsteps from anywhere.

Magna stood momentarily still, her brown eyes taking in the solitary sight set before her: Yumiko, with her arms wrapped around bent knees, sitting on the top of the steps; warm blanket draped across her shoulders; the pale moonlight illuminating the silhouette of her deep, thought-provoked frown.

"Maybe, I like the view," Magna replied softly, unsurprised that her retort didn't elicit their usual banter. Ever since the event had happened—ever since she found them—she noticed a definitive change. Magna sensed that her girlfriend's emotional walls uncharacteristically went up; she noted as Yumiko became quiet and placed unusual physical distance between herself and everyone else.

Magna felt her body shiver, reacting as the wind blasted frigid air that sent a chill running down her spine. "It's cold out here," she brought her arms in close to her chest, blowing short puffs of breath into her ungloved hands to try and keep them warm.

"Yeah, but it helps to clear the thoughts—clear my head."

Magna gave a low, knowing hum.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"What?"

"About what's keeping you up at night; what’s  _eating_ at you.”

"Is this some sort of role reversal?" Yumiko let out a short, sad laugh, still avoiding making eye contact.

"Yeah, maybe. I thought I could give it a try—take a stab at it," Magna lowered her arms and her feet slowly stepped forward, moving so she could sit down on the steps facing Yumiko.

"Miko, you _can_ talk to me, you know that. I'm right here. And, it's just me—just the two of us," Magna's statement managed to strike a deep, painful chord within Yumiko, and the raven haired hung her head ever low. She knew damn well that that could have not been the case _—_ been the reality _—_ that  _s_ he had come back home to. And, what’s worse, she would have had a hand in it _._

"Miko, Miko, look at me. _Hey_ ," Magna tenderly whispered, her warm breaths visibly dissipating up into the cold night air. The brunette swallowed thickly as her fingers gingerly hooked underneath her girlfriend's chin and slowly nudged her head up, unveiling pained, watery eyes.

Yumiko shook her head, struggling against the hardened lump in her throat. She licked her lips, finally deciding to make eye contact. "Y...you could have died. It could have been you with your head up there on that pike, and it would have been my fault."

"I'm sorry. Did I miss something?" Magna's brow furrowed in question at the rationale. "Did you go and join the skins without me knowing?"

"Please, don't be an asshole right now. I'm being serious."

"Yeah, so am I," Magna gently fired back, never breaking away from her intense gaze. She released a heavy breath, pausing in the moment to search for the right words. "Look, we didn't know what was going to happen out there. We didn't plan for it."

"No, but I'm the one who suggested we split up in the first place," Yumiko's face contorted in deep-seeded guilt. Her chest ached.

"Yeah, and I agreed."

"But, what if you were killed because of it?"

"I wasn't," Magna shook her head.

"But what if you were, Mag? _What_ _if you were?"_ Yumiko's voice crumbled into a whisper and she sniffled; her hands wiped at the stinging tears that managed to finally break past the emotional dam and tracked down her cheeks.

Magna jutted her jaw, feeling as her heart twisted and tore at the true gravity of their current situation. She sucked in a weighted breath, and her hands rose to cup the sides of Yumiko's face—her thumbs wiping lovingly at the steady trickle of tears.

"Look, yes, you did suggest that we split up. And, I agreed to it. But, I did it _because_ _you_ _were_ _right_. It was the right thing to do in the moment—with the information we had. And, I would do it again, because it was the right thing to do. And, if I were to have died because of it, then..." Magna's voice faltered and her hands dropped down, finding purchase on the top of Yumiko's shoulders.

"Remember what you said to me before we went to go out to find Michonne? Before this fucking shit storm happened," Magna's lips curled up into a small, sad smile. "You said that if I were to lose you, yes, it would hurt. But, that I would get up and that I would keep on fighting _because_ _I_ _had_ _to,"_ Magna's throat bobbled and her hands fell lower, coming to ground herself by grabbing a hold of Yumiko's trembling hands.

"Miko, what you said, _it still stands_. Nothing's changed—not now. This thing, it's bigger than just the two of us. What we're fighting for now is for our group— _our_ _family_. For Hilltop—a place that we can actually call home, which is crazy because we never thought that day would ever happen—that it would come; but it has. And, if there's an all-out war to protect Hilltop, our family, then, yes: we should expect losses; casualties. It's just a part of it. And, if you or I end up being one of them, then, we still have to get up. We still have to fight, because we have to  _for_ _them_."

" _I don’t want to lose you_ ," Yumiko shook her head, her heart pounding achingly against her ribs at the barely audible admission.

"I love you too."

Yumiko's lips pushed upward into a small, fleeting smile. "I could get used to hearing you say that."

"Yeah?" Magna watched as Yumiko's lips faltered back down.

"Yeah," Yumiko swallowed thickly, her brow furrowing.

"Come here," Magna quietly murmured, leaning forward to press a feather light kiss to Yumiko's forehead before the raven haired repositioned to lean back against her. But while Yumiko allowed herself the opportunity to be held in the brunette's arms, she didn't let herself fully relax as a shameful thought made its way to the forefront of her mind; antagonizing and that made war with her soul.

Yumiko shook her head, releasing a stuttered breath.

...

...

...

"What does it mean that I was relieved—that _I'm_ _glad—_ that it wasn't you up there on that pike? That it wasn't Connie or Kelly? Luke? Magna, _what_ _does_ _that_ _make_ _me_?" Yumiko's chest ripped at the plaguing proverbial question—at the haunting, deeply guilted thought.

Yumiko felt as the soft puffs of breath picked up at the back of her neck; she registered as Magna's toned arms wrapped around her the slightest bit tighter.

"Human, Miko. It... _it_ _makes_ _you_ _human_."

"But what about Enid? Tara? They had faith in us; stuck their necks out for us and accepted us into their community _—_ their home. _What_ _now_?" Yumiko turned her head, looking up to find open, understanding eyes. Magna licked her lips.

"Then, everything we do from here on out will be for them. We'll honor them—prove to everyone—that their faith in us was justified; that it wasn't for nothing; it wasn't in vain."

"Okay," Yumiko agreed faintly, her head nodding before turning to lean back against Magna's front. The raven haired finally let herself fully relax and her body sank into the brunette's arms; her eyes closed shut as Magna placed her head on top of her shoulder and she whispered in her ear.

"And, we'll take it—do like we always do. Minute by minute; day by day..."

"Ride or die," Yumiko voiced softly, her visible breath vanishing up into the cold night air.

 


End file.
